Great movie man, great movie. So... I'm going to write a bit of an update. And then I'm going to state my plans for what I plan on doing on livejournal. Because... I have an idea.

1) I'm not a virgin anymore. This needs to come out, but most people know already. I did it with my best friends older brother... twice. It didn't hurt at all, and I was actually really into it. I really miss it, afterwords we had a kind of fallout and weren't exactly speaking. He told some friends, I told some friends and pretty soon everyone knew. Now, we're talking again but we don't ever hang out... ): I really miss him. Then there's these other two guys... both juniors. The one I had sex with is a sophomore. One junior goes to my school and we're really close. The other goes to my best friend's school and we are really close as well. Ugh! I want all of them but I mainly want my sophomore back! []:<

2) I haven't written anything in forever. For. Ever. I'm losing contact into writing and lacrosse, the two things I loved most. That's dangerous!! Haha. I've been smoking a lot of pot lately, mainly to clear my mind. Is that bad? Yes. D'oh, Olivia. Still... I've been so into partying and stuff, the things that mattered to me most don't apply anymore. /:

3) Friends. I'm really about to shoot someone. Everyone I go to school with is getting on my nerves, and my two best friends just NEED to be gay for each other already!!! Like, my god! They're OBSESSED with each other, it's like can you guys just please come out of the closet already? Like fer'serial. And my other two friends agree. We tease them behind their backs because they are just RIDICULOUS. I've been spending my weekends in Carroll County a lot lately, I like my friends over there a lot better than my ones here right now...

4) Speaking of lacrosse... I tried out and didn't make it?!!? She said that I ran my 6 minute mile FINE and I have my left and right hand down, but I just can't do dodges all too well. Well, whatever fuck that. /:<

5) INSOMNIA.! I hate itttt! I can't take it! I just want to sleep - but I can't! O:< I'm so tired but when I go to sleep??? NOPE. Nothing. I can't. It's utterly and uberly stupid. Let me shoot someone. Now. Give me a 22. Stat.

All right, well. This is what I plan on doing with livejournal:
I want to make a new, anonymous account. It'll be like an open diary, but people will be able to ask for advice and have someone to talk to - you know? I, Olivia, am a shoulder to lean on. Most people don't like to believe it because I'm such a 'wild thing' but I have such a big heart that, well, I put everyone in front of me. I don't wine, I am not weak and I refuse to fall down. I don't like to let people down. I do give great advice and I keep secrets. So, I decided that I will make an anonymous account and then on there, I will post things in a diary type form and I will always leave (I'm making a new email for it) an email address for people to email me if they wanted to talk at the end of each post. I think that sounds like a bombdig idea. :D 

Well, I can't sleep - I already know that and it's midnight. I'm going to lay in bed and watch a movie or something.... goodnight!

Jan. 11, 2009

1:50PM - Chef B.  
I hate that my parents know. It's like every meal my dad tells me:
"You will not throw this up." My mother is hurt, I can tell. My Dad
told me when I feel like purging, I should tell him. How can I just 
walk up and go "Dad. I want to throw up." ? I can't.

2:30PM - French Toast
Alee made it for me. I couldn't say no. But now I have to hold my-
self back from stuffing my face just to throw it all up. Who do I do?
Wait it out?

7:30PM - Salad
I was forced to dinner. I really did not want to eat. My mother got 
all weirded out when I excused my self from the table. I hate this.

End of night thoughts:
Today was the first day I went without hurling my meals in a week.
I'm angry and feel terrible. I want out. I cant just stop. The voice in 
my head is getting louder and angrier. Maybe I could escape to the
school bathrooms tomorrow. Or tonight, when I'm finally alone I can
get this damn voice and pain out. I constantly have my headphones
to tune out the voice. Today was rough.

YWS CHALLENGE: see if you're elligble enough to be able to write 100 deep secrets or facts no one really knows about you. It's time to get the skeletons out of the closet! Try it! [Posts can be made anonymous if wanted]

Deep Secrets/Facts about Olivia.

x I tend to say I'm full Italian, but I'm actually 50% Italian, 50% Russian.
x I have a food/eating disorder. You barely notice it, but that's 'cuz I'm not an attention whore.
x I recently stole my sisters Lebosine pills so that I don't eat, I hated throwing up my food. 
x I've started up to 8 novels, but only finished two.
x I only like one of them.
x I honestly could pick up and leave everyone and everything behind tomorrow for the city.
x I miss the city more than anything.
x I really don't like being in relationships, I'm such a true lover that I'm waiting until I am of age to actually fall in love.
x I have been in love once, and I regret it. It's been two years and I'm still madly in love with him /: 
x I've been told that I could pass for a black person by tons of black people.
x I care a lot about school. I stress myself out over it.
x I want to get into an ivy league school (Syracuse!)
x I use to be a depressant because of my mother's 6/6 car accident, I blamed myself.
x I still feel it's my fault....
x I lie to my parents about how much I liked my food they made me... I don't eat it - I give it to friends.
x Most of my friends are pot heads. But I'm not anymore.
x I'm a family person to the heart.
x I over stress myself, and when something doesn't go according to plan - I'll break down and cry about it.
x In the morning, I'll talk to myself about what I got done and tell myself goodjob. For the other things that I didn't do, I try to make the best of it.
x I look at the glass half full.
x I take things into a reality-perspective. So, if I say something that's cruel but true, you'll understand why.
x It's really hard for me to say 'no'. I do anything I can to put others before me.
x I do not dye my hair for attention, you can drop that idea right now.
x Sometimes I feel really alone, even when I'm with a lot of friends.
x I think my best best friends are the onces that don't live near me or go to my school - like Mariah, Kallie, and Nichole. We're all so close and never fight.
x My best best best best best friend will always be Christina, she's just my only true friend so far.
x I have a low self asteme, I tend to hate on myself uncontrollably.
x At night, the only way I can fall asleep is when I think of my stories and play out a scene in my head. It just happens.
x I sometimes wish I lived in my head, like in my stories. It makes things a lot easier.
x I do hate. It is possible and I do do it.
x I can't stand the spanish culture. The dry walls, yellowish zesty food and the beans! It really tends to bother me. But I don't hate them. Christina's one! :D
x I want to move to France after New York. It will happen.
x I think about my future a little too much. I like to be prepared.
x I tell myeslf I'll make it one day, but if I keep this life up I'll be no where. That scares me most.
x I could care less how pretty you are. It all depends on if you're real or not.
x I've come to conclussion: everyone's a dickhead. Unless you can prove me wrong, I will never stop believing it.
x I have a lot of friends, but there's about.... 5 or 6 that I really like.
x I feel guilty for things that aren't even my fault, and I'll do anything in my power to make things right.
x I miss being 8. Eight years old. I really do.
x Speaking of 8, I miss 8th grade. That was my favorite year ever. Fo'serious.
x I love love love love love love sims2.
x I like taking modeling pictures and doing exotic makeup. It's just me.
x I like to stand out and leave an impression on somebody.
x I'm not concieted, I just like myself sometimes.
x It really bothers me when people think they're cool/famous because of myspace, stickam, or facebook. The internet has become it's own style now and it's infesting everywhere. GET A LIFE.
x Most people don't believe it, but I am athletic.
x I'm scared of trying new things: I like to stick to routine.
x Please don't call me hot. I'll get a 22 and shoot you.
x I hate my house. Not like a 'teeny-bop I hate my house' sort of way. I just hate the way it was built. I'd like to put it on sims2 and redesign it.
x My father is my hero. He is the most wisest person I know.
x Unlike most teenagers, I love my parents. I could never hate them. I'd do anything for them and I hope I show that enough.
x I have anger issues. ferserious.
x I tend to build everything inside me so when someone ticks me off right at that moment when I'm overflowing, that's when I blow up in someone's face. Then they think I'm over reacting. 
x If you are going to sit there and criticize someone else, make sure you don't have any flaws. That's impossible though, so you should really just stop.
x I know I have problems, I just don't like to be reminded of them.
x I'm logical... to an extent.
x I feel my friends aren't really my friends. It bothers me but my mind just comes up with these ridiculous theories.
x I wish I wasn't such a bother.
x I don't believe in change, I just believe in acting different. You can't change who you really are. Old habits never change.  
x I use to be at a point where I was giving up on life. Now I'm at the point where I'm ready to start it.
x I don't believe in religion. And I don't intend to. I'm sorry if I'm like that but I've gotten this far without it, and I've been through a lot. I'm pretty sure I can keep on going.
x I support gay marriage all the way. I don't need to hear yer opinions on it, either, because I have my own.
x I don't "flash" the peace sign for a style. I seriously hate war and anarchy. I hate the fact that people can't sit down and talk about simple things or they instantly start raising their voice. Chill out.
x I don't believe peace is associated with pot, it's just another assumption. 
x I feel really bad for my sister. I love her and it makes me so angry when she sits there and treats me like shit all the time. I know I do it too. I know she is having a tough time but I wish she could confide in me. She just doesn't and I cry to myself about it... a lot.
x I like taking care of my nails professionally. 
x I use to have this habit of not showering for weeks when I was in 4th grade. It was pretty nasty.
x I actually hate my natural hair color. 
x

I'll add more later. Peace.

No hesitation, no delay, you come on just my Special k. Just like I swallowed half my stash and never ever wanna crash. No hesitation, no delay, you come on just my Special K. Now your back, jokes to mend, I'm unseeking sin. Gravity, no escaping gravity. Gravity, no escaping - not for free. I fall down, hit the ground, make a heavy sound, every time you seem to come around.

-Special K, Placebo

I'm sitting in journalism, not even eleven o'clock yet, listening to my iPod. Today's a boring day... we're doing nothing. I feel happy today(:(:(: Fo' reals, yo. I'm happy! Gym hurt though, we had fitness testing and wall sits are.a.bitch. I never knew 2 minutes and ten seconds was so long...

Italian was easy, yo! I had a test and I knew it! :D Yay for good grades! Oh! Dude, what the hell I have an E in italian! Well, according to my online grade... I really don't believe it. I'm doing so well - I even have 21 out of 25 stickers! Four more and I get twenty extra credit points - WOO! haha

Algebra was funny too. I was the "teacher" too and everyone was laughing at all my jokes because... well, lets just say I'm really  blonde. (: But Ms.Z said I was beast. Like WHOA. Haha.

I keep teasing Kyle about liking Amina - I call her Polish sausage roll because she's Polish. It's really funny, everyone does it now and he hates it. Hahah.

Well, I have to go work on my feature stories. I might be back on to extend this and possoble write tonight - I'll try! Peace out.

-Olivia

The classic christmas movies! :D I was watching How The Grinch Stole Christmas the other day, it was hilarious. I cant wait for the "Heat Misor" one to come on(:

Well, today's been tough. All through out the day I've been angry, sad, happy, hyper, stressed and bored. So, I'm going to take every feeling one step at a time.

Angry - Kyle. I swear to god if someone doesn't kill him soon! He is so... rawr. Like, when we talk on texting, which is no more, he's nice like he used to be. But in person? Yeah... okay. He pushes me away, he yells at me, he calls me names, and when I try to help him with his problems he gets pissed off and just yells at me some more. So, I'm done with being his friend. I am done trying and now I'm just going to treat him the way I feel he should be treated. Like... fo' reals. I'm not being nice anymore, he deserves what he gets. 
Sad - My family, mainly my dad, likes to piss me off. He claims that I don't try hard enough. Yeah, okay. I'm pretty sure I'm the only child of the three that is actually trying to leave this shit hole. I'll be damned if I'm going to a community college, staying here living off my parents until I'm 19/20. I'll be damned if I don't get into Syracuse - I will not fail. I am determined to get somewhere in life and I know for sure that's out of here. 
Happy - Well, I found some funny pictures today to make me smile. I also had fun times with friends, like in Biology and English. The end of the day was hilarious. "Who is she?" "She's your next girlfriend." "Ha, yeah. She's bisexual." "WHAT KIND OF GIRLS ARE YOU INTO?!" "I don't even know!" Haha. I've been talking to my friend Michael, he knows how to make a-bitch laugh. We're talking about my domesticated cat(: [That I love more than anything]
Hyper - At the end of the school day I was syked! I had a great time in Biology with Kim, and then meeting up with Christina, Themis, and Michael made me laugh so hard. On the bus, sitting next to Lillie, I was so hyperrr! And that's pretty much... that.
Stressed - This is a tough one. I'm so stressed! I have so much school work to do - all blue and black words, notes for each paragraph of chapter 13, worksheets, chapters 10&11 of To Kill A Mockingbird, and Italian - and then there's midterms to study for.... and my mom thinks I'm over reacting about it! YEAH OKAY!
Bored - I don't feel like doing homework. I don't feel like being here. I feel so quiet in my head... I'm bored.


And there's that story. Now, I have to go read chapters 10 and 11 of To Kill A Mockingbird, if you don't mind. Peace!

 Well, today's been pretty boring all in all. I couldn't sleep last night, so I stayed up till about...3 then attempted to go to sleep. That didn't really work out. This morning I laid in bed for three hours when I woke up listening to music, then I stumbled out to be greeted with chores. "We're putting up Christmas decorations today!" Yay): So I placed on some old jeans, a sweatshirt, and rebocks and hauled up the freaking, creaky scary attic ladder. I hate that damn thing. It was freezing cold up there too, passing down decorations. Oh, and then my ever-so-smart father comes up: You didn't help out your mother. Are you kidding me. I just conquered a fear of my attic for her. I think I helped. So now he's giving me shit. Bleh, whatever.

Well, it's been about three days since my last post: MAH INTERNETS DOWN, HOE. Yeah, these stupid ass Verizon bitch's are fixing their cables underground just about everywhere and it's messing with a-bitch's Vonage [what hoes]. Anyways, so from now on out I will be posting as much as possible [or whenever I remember, both work].

So, today I went to the mall with my good friend Kylie and her brother Joshua. We met up with my friend, Jesse, and then DJ who's Josh's friend. I was texting my ex-boyfriend, Kyle, because I still want to be friends. He said that's fine and shit but now he's all mean to me): I asked him why and he said [...and I quote]: "I'm being mean because I don't want to love you again." Okay. I can understand you dont want to fall for a-bitch again, but there are other ways that aren't as hurtful as to doing this. You don't have to intentionally lie to me, be mean to me, and ignore me. So, he wants to be mean to me? Fine. I just wont talk to the damn hoe(: haha. I told him, too. He said: "Whatever, be that way." All right, I will (:

So, yeah. That was today and I just can't fucking wait to see what happens on school on Monday.

Oh, and did you know AT&T stores will charge your phone for you for free? Damn, son! I was syked! :D

Peace out
-Olivia.

So, it's just kind of been... a while. I'm actually a freshman now, I think I was in seventh grade the last time I posted a journal entrty. Wow, I start Pain Without Love in SEVENTH grade? Damn, son! So anyways, I'm actually
sitting next to my brother in Journalism one class and we have about... ten minutes left until D lunch which sucks ass because, well, it's D lunch. Who wants that?

Well, anyways. When I get home I will deffinetly be updating this sucka! A lot has happen in these past two years and I feel I should write out some of what I feel, kind of like a diary to laugh at later one - you know? Looking at these pictures, though, that's nothing to laugh at. I think I'm going to do a major profile change and what not on that when I get home.

Speaking of profiles, let's get an update on me. Well, I'm 14 now. So, yay! Haha. No more 11, 12, 13 year old bullshit or however old I was last time I wrote on this thing. Nope, I'm 14. Not that old but it's pretty mature to me!(: Things in my life are stressfull at this moment: the effed up economy, mid-terms, social life: I'M.GOING.TO.BUST. [...a cap in yo ass!]

Well, That has taken up two minutes of my time [literally, it's 11:52. A-bitch ain't lyin'] So I should probably talk about my stories... Well, I no longer can work on Pain Without Love. For one, it's on my mothers old laptop. So seriously, I cant. Two, it hurts too much to rewrite it, too painful [Ha, look at that! Pain Without Love is too painfull to rewrite. Man, that's a knee slapper] but I have started it. Just don't think I'm going to finish it. I'll find a way to tell you guys the whole story one day and then maybe some poser will steal the idea, write it, and then be the best selling book in New York. ): Animal I've Become is a no show but I have started a new book since I finished my other one called Secrets of Desperation: